letting you go

 How you doin? Me? I’m good. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the mess that I’ve done. I’m sorry for not keeping my promise to stay with you no matter what. I’m sorry for everything. I let go b’coz I got scared. I got scared that I might get hurt in the process, that I’m not the right one for you. I was such a coward, but you can’t blame me. I felt a gap between us, I felt something’s wrong between us and I don’t have a courage to fix it. I just made it worst and hurt us in the end. You know what, when I saw you that day, I felt an urge to hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. But you’re not mine anymore, I don’t have the right anymore to tell everyone like ‘hey, stay away from him, his mine’. Seeing you is heaven to me, but thinking that you’re not mine anymore hurts me like hell. Sometimes when I’m alone, I wanted to cry but no tears comes out in my eyes. Maybe my tear gland had gone dry for crying. I thought we could work things out but it turned wrong.

Maybe we really are not meant for each other. I think this is the time to let both of us go. End of our story but not the end of everything. We’ve build dreams together, even planned to have kids together. But I guess those things will just remain plans that will never come true. Things that will remain dreams for the rest of our lives. We even planned to elope after college if they will not let us get married. Funny isn’t it? But also sad, you’ve held my life for more than a year. You showed me how to love and be loved. I thank you for that. You’re even a good teacher in many ways.

You will always be a part of me. I will never forget you, never forget that once in my life there was a ‘bhe’ that existed but hadn’t stayed. I will always love you. You will not find another me but you can always find a person better than me. There is no person who can love you the way I did. I hope for the past 1 yr and 2 months that we had you didn’t doubt my love for you. I also hope that you really loved me and you being cold to me for the last months of our relationship was not because of third party. I know that you cannot do that to me, you know I trusted you from the very start. Kaya wala akong lihim na di mo alam. Even about my father, I didn’t regret telling you one of the failures of my family. I’m sorry din when sometimes you can feel that I don’t love you, I just have a hard time showing it. Shy ako eh.

You know what? I really wanted to write our story, but I’m scared. I’m scared that I might hurt myself dahil our story doesn’t have happy ending.

Well I guess this is it, I hope that I could cope up soon just like you. I want us to be friends just like before. It started sa asaran then we didn’t noticed na nadedevelop na pala tayo sa isa’t isa in the courtesy of ronel. Don’t forget that I am always here for you. You can ask advices from me when it comes to problems.

..I hope mging free na ako..free from those momeries that are haunting me...

For the past 16 years of my existence here in the surface, I had experienced many things that could weaken and strengthen me. Weaken in terms of losting willingness to live. I just lurk in my room and never come out to face the sunshine. It was really hard and i couldn't imagine that I passed and conquered that. It was like, being with the people you don't know but the truth is your just with the people whom you share everything including your dreams. I felt so alone, I felt like dieing. One time I even wanted to cut my pulse to end my boring life in this rotten and worldly surface. BORING! Same thing everyday sucks! No choice eh.


My life way back then was a mess, until there is this one man who changed my perspective in life. Who taught me how to love and to be loved, how to smile even if your hurting inside. Who taught me that the world is not that cruel to end your borrowed life. It's good that you have someone who can make you smile in the middle of crying, who can crack jokes even if his hurting, who can make your heart jump whenever his around. I learned many things including lying to the people i cared most.


But ika nga nothing in this world is permanent. Everything comes and go. Hindi ko nlang namalayan na our story is already fading, na our story is starting its end. When i realized that 'us' is gone i don't have the courage to save 'us', i just let it slip on my hands. And just with a blink of an eye, 'us' faded from the screen. I died again that time. But maybe i'm so lucky that the doors of hell is closed. Few important people pulled me from the dirt and told me that its not the end of everything. They helped me fix myself and showed me the life i had thrown away. :)


It is really good to have you guys around.:) THANK YOU :)

My dark side.... care to share yours? :)